


Give To You My Penance

by battleships



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:46:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22664224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/battleships/pseuds/battleships
Summary: The one where Jaskier gets so drunk he briefly ascends to the afterlife and meets part of his ex-boyfriend's tragic backstory.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 10
Kudos: 246





	Give To You My Penance

**Author's Note:**

> Based mostly on the Netflix series, I tried to find out if the games or books ever mentioned anything about the afterlife but in the end I just made most of it up myself except for using the Polish word Nawia. Hope you enjoy!

There are hundreds of ways to cope with rejection and loss, Jaskier had tried all of them after each of his romantic endeavors ultimately resulted in heartbreak. None had ever hurt quite so much as the one that had never even been romantic, at least not from Geralt's perspective. Jaskier had gotten his heart ripped out and the man who did it just went on his way.

So that's what he would have to do, pick himself up and go on his way. He'd keep singing about his Witcher - _not his, never his_ \- still following behind Geralt so that he could pick up stories from the people he saved. It wasn't the same as being with him, but it was something.

It's also why he was currently crawling into the bottom of a bottle of ale, having finished his performance for the night and listening to the drunken patrons singing his songs to each other. Geralt had been through this town only a few days ago and the townsfolk were still riding high on the elation of having been saved from… something. Jaskier really hadn't paid as much attention as he usually did. It was getting harder for him to follow Geralt's heroics.

How pathetic, trailing after a man who wanted nothing to do with him and told him as much in no uncertain terms.

He stumbled out of his chair, downing the rest of his drink in one go with every intention of making his way back to the room he'd rented for the night. Unfortunately, it seemed he had drunk too much to follow through on that plan, as he promptly tripped over his own feet and fell face first onto the floor. Jaskier's vision swam and he could barely make out a beautiful woman approaching him just as everything went dark.

* * *

Geralt knew he'd been too hard on the bard, it was all he could think about lately, especially after having found Ciri. For so long he had focused on her, pushing his guilt over how he'd treated Jaskier to the side, in service of his mission. Now he had nothing with which to distract himself. He couldn't even drink his guilt away, not with a child by his side.

Not that he enjoyed going to taverns lately, there was always someone singing one of Jaskier's songs, even the newer ones. Jaskier hadn't lied when he said he'd get the story from someone else.

"What's wrong with you?" Ciri finally asked after weeks of watching him brood.

"I'm fine," he grumbled.

Ciri scoffed, "You look like someone kicked your horse."

Annoyingly perceptive, that one. "I'm fine." Because clearly repetition equaled truth.

"Does this have anything to do with why you got so grumpy when that drunkard was singing at you?"

Geralt growled low in his throat, "No, that was because he was hanging off me."

"You shoved him so hard I thought he wasn't going to get back up."

"Well he did."

Finally Ciri had enough, "Geralt! We both know you're not okay, just tell me what's going on."

Geralt sighed, "I had a… traveling companion, a while ago. I… was cruel and he left."

"Then go find him."

"It's not that easy, Ciri."

"Why not?"

It sounded so simple when she said it. "Because I made him hate me."

Quietly she moved to sit down next to him, "he's the one singing about you, right?" Geralt nodded, "He doesn't hate you."

Geralt scoffed, "And how would you know?"

"I've heard the songs. They're sad, not angry."

"Where have you heard them?" It was strange, suddenly being thrust into a parental role.

Ciri rolled her eyes, "Every tavern we eat at. I pay attention."

"I wouldn't even know where to start looking." A lie, he knew Jaskier had to have been following them to get the newer stories.

"Sure you do." Fuck, she knew.

"Anyone ever tell you you're a perceptive little shit?"

She grinned proudly, "Everyone."

* * *

Blue eyes opened blearily, expecting to see the dirty tavern he'd passed out in, or at least the street outside. Instead he found himself in a strange town, mist swirling around him. "Where am I?" He wondered aloud as he stood up, realizing that he somehow wasn't hungover. "Fuck, I'm dead. I drank too much and died. This is how the great bard goes out?"

A feminine laugh drew his attention away from his lament. "I see why he likes you," said the woman sitting on a barrel nearby. "You're not dead, but you came close. Really shouldn’t drink so much,” she added with a wink, hopping from the barrel to approach him.

“Who are you?”

Her lips quirked up in a secretive smile, “Renfri. A friend of a friend.”

Jaskier frowned, “I don’t have friends,” he said bitterly, “I thought I did, once. But...”

“Yes, Geralt can be quite the fool, can’t he?”

“No, I was the fool. Following him around like…” he deflated quickly, “it doesn’t matter anymore.”

Renfri shook her head, “Of course it matters, Jaskier.”

“You know my name?” he asked in shock.

That smile was back, “I know all your names, Julian Alfred Pankratz. You’d be surprised by the things you learn after you pass.”

“So I’m not dead, but you are,” Jaskier asked and Renfri nodded, “that means I’m…”

“In Nawia.”

Jaskier looked around again, "I didn’t expect it to look like this.”

“It doesn’t,” she said, “this is where Geralt killed me." The shock must have been evident on his face because Renfri shook her head, "I didn't give him much of a choice. I was threatening a young girl… my life was in danger, I didn't see any other way out. He tried to save me though, even after all of that."

As she spoke the mist cleared, revealing the bloody streets of Blaviken. "The Butcher…" Jaskier remembered.

"Pretty unfair nickname, if you ask me. The White Wolf is much better. Good job."

"Why are you telling me this?"

Renfri moved to put a hand on his cheek, "I didn't know Geralt very long, but I love him all the same. I want him to be happy, he _deserves_ to be happy. He had to bear the title of butcher because his heart is too good."

"Yeah, but why are you telling _me_ this?" Jaskier reiterated, "He doesn't even want me around, if you know so much you must know that too."

Sighing, Renfri backed away from him, the scenery changing as she moved. Now they were in a wooded area, a stream flowing between them. "Geralt has lost almost everyone he's ever loved, he had to kill me himself. He's had to watch you get hurt countless times, what do you think it will do to him when you die? You're getting on, even if your looks have been spared. You'll age and die long before he even begins to feel the ravages of time. Our lives are fleeting to someone like him, you can't blame him for not wanting to watch the man he loves die, can you?"

Jaskier felt anger building in him, "So what? You just brought me here to tell me to leave Geralt alone so he can be happy with someone who has a similar lifespan? Someone like Yennefer, maybe?"

"They walk different paths," Renfri said, "paths that may cross at times, but they will only end up hurting each other if they try to walk together."

"Then what are you saying?" Jaskier yelled, his anger only growing with his frustration.

"You make Geralt happy. Short as your time may be together, he needs you."

In an instant his anger dissipated, "Then why…" his voice came out weak this time, he wasn't even able to finish the sentence.

Luckily, Renfri knew what he was going to ask, "He was scared. Scared of how much he loves you, scared of what it will do to him when he watches you die."

"When?"

"If you let him, he will stay with you for the rest of your life."

Jaskier crossed his arms defensively, "Aren't you forgetting something? He pushed me away, he's the one keeping us from being together like you think we should."

The secretive smile spread across her lips once more, "Am I?"

_Jaskier!_

What a familiar voice, Jaskier found himself wondering why he couldn't place it.

"Remember, Jaskier, those that are bound by destiny will always find each other." Her words echoed as the woods around him began to stretch and distort until he was alone in an abyss.

"Jaskier!" The voice shouted again, leaving Jaskier looking around the abyss for the source.

"Renfri?" He murmured, opening his eyes slowly as reality crashed down around him once again. Ah, there's the hangover he was missing before. He groaned in pain, not just his hangover though, his whole body hurt.

All his complaints stopped the second his eyes fully opened, blurry vision clearing to reveal golden eyes and silver hair. "Geralt?"

Said silver haired man stared at him in shock, "Where did you hear that name?"

Jaskier looked around, confused to see a blonde girl by Geralt's side. "It's your name," he said, slurring a little from all the ale. "Who's the kid? Am I still drunk or are you really here?"

As Geralt was too busy staring at him to answer, Ciri took point. "I'm Ciri, of Cintra."

"The child surprise," Jaskier noted, eyes drifting back to Geralt, "You decided that wasn't a pile of shit I shoveled on you, I take it?"

Now Geralt had two pairs of judgemental eyes staring at him. "That was… unfair for me to say." He finally managed to grit out.

"Did that hurt?" Ciri asked.

Jaskier nodded thoughtfully, "Looks like he might have pulled something."

Geralt simply grunted in annoyance and stood up to leave.

"That's it?" Jaskier asked.

"Probably the best we'll get from him," Ciri glared after the retreating Witcher.

"Would you be ever such a dear, Ciri of Cintra, and help me up?"

She huffed but did as he asked. "He missed you," she told him quietly.

Jaskier laughed, "You don't have to make me feel better."

"I'm not. Why do you think we're here?"

"I'm yet to be convinced you are really here, this could all be an imagination of my intoxicated mind."

"Are you always like this?" Ciri asked, stepping away from Jaskier after having helped him up, but remaining close while he swayed. "He thinks you hate him."

The joviality he'd been forcing immediately faltered, even as he couldn't be sure what was even happening anymore. "I wish I could," he murmured.

"I don't know what happened between you two," Ciri said as she began to leave the tavern, "but he's been miserable without you. I think he was able to distract himself at the beginning, but he's just been getting worse, especially when he hears one of your songs."

"He hates my songs," Jaskier muttered, though he wasn't so sure he believed that anymore.

"Bard!" Came a shout from outside the tavern.

Ciri and Jaskier exchanged a look, "this should be good," Jaskier said, slowly making his way to meet his fate. When he got outside he was faced with the sight of Geralt holding a horse that wasn't Roach. "What happened to Roach?" Jaskier asked, concern creeping into his voice, he'd grown attached to the stubborn mare.

"She's fine. This is for you," he said curtly, shoving the reins at Jaskier, who just stood there blinking at him, "his name is Casmir."

Jaskier took the reins numbly, looking back and forth between Geralt and the strips of leather in his hands, "What?" He finally said.

Geralt grunted in frustration, "For wherever you want to go. He's sturdy, should be reliable." At the tip of his tongue was 'at least more reliable than me,' but he couldn't bring himself to admit that.

"And if… if I want to go with you?" Jaskier asked, not proud of the way his voice trembled ever so slightly.

"He'll keep up with Roach." Geralt said, though what he really wanted to say was _yes, please, whatever you want. I'll do whatever it will take to keep you with me this time._

It wasn't an apology, but it was the best Jaskier would get, and the closest to Geralt's true feelings as he was capable of admitting. "Hello Casmir," Jaskier cooed to the gray gelding. "I think we're going to be great friends." The horse nuzzled him as he looked up at Geralt, surprised to see relief on the witcher's face. So much went unspoken between them in that moment and a small smile graced Jaskier's lips. None of it needed to be said. Geralt nodded at him.

"So where are we going next?" Ciri asked, interrupting the moment.

"I heard there's a town a few days ride from here that's been having arachas troubles," Jaskier offered.

"We were going to go there before..." Geralt trailed off, not needing to say any more.

Ciri smiled brightly, "Then let's go! I'm guessing you spent all our money from the last hunt on that horse." Geralt bristled but couldn't defend himself. It wasn't all their money, but it had been a decent chunk of their funds. A good horse for a good man.

Somewhere, Renfri smiled down at them. "Good job, Geralt." She whispered.

**Author's Note:**

> Well that was it! Hope you all liked it :D you can find me over on tumblr at [battlships](https://battlships.tumblr.com/) or on twitter at [raesunshone](https://twitter.com/raesunshone) (I'm on twitter a lot more now). I've got more fics coming as well, so keep an eye out if you liked this one!


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